Unrested

I'm still struggling with unrestful sleep as a result of my anti-depressant. I feel like I haven't had a restful night's sleep in a couple of weeks and it's really taking its toll. While it's true that I am no longer in a depressed fog, I am irritable and have difficulty concentrating. The stimulating effect of the Wellbutrin that, at first, gave me a welcome spike in productivity now makes me feel jittery and "cracked out." I have an enormous amount of energy, but I'm not truly alert. I'm simply awake. I can't focus on writing or working on projects, and if I force myself to do either I am not happy with the result. I can't even focus enough to complete simple missions in a video game. I'm trying to power through this. Everyone tells me it will even out, but I don't know how much longer I can do it. I need a good night's sleep.

I saw my doctor yesterday and we discussed the problem at length. She suggested several natural methods for improving my sleep: white noise, total darkness, an increased dose of 5-HTP just before bed. She briefly suggested we could consider lowering my Wellbutrin dose, or changing from the extended release (releases itself slowly into your system throughout the day) to the instant release (a sudden burst of the drug upon taking the pill) version, but neither of these options seemed right for me. We then discussed other medications that could help, specifically Trazodone. Trazodone is another anti-depressant, but one of its major side effects is drowsiness so it is often prescribed as a sleep aid. My doctor suggested that just a tiny dose - a quarter of a pill each night before bed - may help to get my sleep schedule back on track. I have to confess that I'm nervous about the possibility of becoming dependent on drugs to help me get to sleep, but each day I feel more and more desperate. I'm starting to forget what it felt like to wake up in the morning and feel rested and ready to take on the day. I'm starting to forget what it felt like to be relaxed and comfortable. I want this jittery feeling to go away. I need it to go away.

Last night I took my first dose of Trazodone just before bed, and then I tossed and turned for the next hour before falling into yet another unrestful sleep. I woke up several times throughout the night, and felt just as irritable and distressed when my alarm went off this morning as I had the day before. I'm not sure if it was supposed to work instantly or if it will take a few tries to get the desired effect. I'm trying not to feel defeated and hopeless, but in my current state it is difficult to keep these kinds of feelings under control. I just have to keep reminding myself that there is a solution out there. I just have to keep powering through this until I find it.