It's over...again

The following post is incredibly intimate, even for me. Some of you may think it's too intimate, and I'm not sure I disagree. I've struggled with whether (or how) to post about this for some time, and I've come to the conclusion that I no longer care about respecting the privacy of someone who has done so much damage. And he will continue to do this damage to me and future partners if something doesn't change. If this is something you don't want to know about, just stop reading...

Over the past two years, I've been subjected to a barrage of verbal abuse and emotional manipulation from the person I considered my partner. I've been made to feel worthless and helpless. I've been criticized and insulted. I've been cheated on and lied to repeatedly. But I've also been apologized to and worshipped. I've been made to feel beautiful and desired. And the sex was pretty great...for a while, anyway. The whole thing has been a confusing, wildly passionate, demoralizing roller coaster ride. But, no matter how many times my loved ones tried to convince me it was time to get off, I just kept riding. I'm sorry for that.

Well, I'm finally done. It's over. And I I'm not going back again because this time he's gone too far. You can't tell someone that you hope their "dog dies painfully and while you watch" and expect to come back from that. You can't boast that you never wore a condom all those times you cheated on someone without giving up any last chance for forgiveness. And you can't tell someone you wish they'd succeeded in their suicide attempt and then hope to ever get another ounce of kindness or compassion from them. These were just a few of the many text messages he sent me the other night, in a drunken, jealousy-fueled rage. Many of the others are just too disgusting to mention.

So, if you've wondered why I haven't seemed like myself for a while...there it is. But it's over now. Well, for me it is. For him, I suspect there is more to come. But that's not my problem anymore.