Feelings are so one-sided

Looking back over yesterday's post I can see how it may sound like I am accusing my ex of being an evil mastermind with the intent of manipulating me into submission. That was not my intention. I do think, in most cases, he truly believed the things he accused me of doing to him. In his mind, I was treating him poorly. In his mind, I was being selfish. And, with the exception of a few flat out lies, most of what he relayed to his friends was truly how he saw the situation. His view of our relationship was distorted by his unhappiness, his loneliness, and his insecurity, and I'm certain that it hurt him just as much as it hurt me. But that's not my problem anymore. I can no longer take responsibility for his pain, and I'm not suggesting he should take responsibility for mine. Yesterday's post was my attempt to finally stop making excuses for him and shed those feelings of responsibility once and for all so that I could focus on myself and begin to heal. I should have realized that once that responsibility was lifted there would be a lot of anger underneath, but I never thought about it. It blindsided me. And now I'm filled with animosity over ancient history and it feels pointless. It is pointless. But it has to be acknowledged and worked through. So I'm doing my best to do this in the most mature and healthy way possible. I have quietly removed this person from my life and am pleasant when we do run into each other. I try to keep my external venting to a minimum and write down most of what I'm feeling. And every day the anger dissipates a little more. Soon it will be gone and I will simply look at that time in my life as a learning experience. Maybe eventually I'll even be able to safely reminisce about the good parts, because there were some. There really were.